The Beginning of the End

Well... It was nice having a few days to spend with my family, catch up a little at work, etc. It felt good to just take a break from feeling like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.

After a couple of days at home, I started getting phone calls from my dad saying that my mom was starting to get very agitated in the hospital. She was starting to think that my dad and the hospice nurse were conspiring against her. She wanted to go home and thought she was being held at the hospital against her will. According to everything I was reading, this was probably pretty normal. One of the best and worst tools that the hospice nurse gave me was a book that explained the entire dying process. It explained the different stages and what to expect. It even narrowed down on what to look for in the hours prior to passing.

I was able to talk to the hospice nurse a couple of times and she suggested that we do not go against my moms wishes and start arranging to have her taken home. Personally, I didn't want this. I know it was my moms wishes, but I was being selfish in wanting her to stay in the hospital longer... Deep down I think I wanted her to stay there to maybe get better than she was. In the end, though, we finally decided to get my mom back home where she wanted to go. Because she was so frail an in bad shape, the doctors were able to get approval to have an ambulance transport her home so my dad didn't have to.

While everything was getting set up, I had the responsibility to start arranging to have some hospital equipment delivered to my parents house. I also had to meet the hospital equipment people there, which meant another road trip over to my parents house to get things set up prior to my mom getting there.

When I got to my parents house, I only had to wait about an hour or so before the van arrived with a hospital bed, oxygen machine, and a couple other pieces of equipment. I helped them set up the bed in the family room where her favorite chair had always been. This was especially important to everybody because this house is the one that my mom had grown up in. After both her parents had passed away, we remodeled it and moved in.

When my mom arrived, I helped get her situated and dug in my heels for the long haul. It was also this day that one of the other best blessings happened to me. My aunt said she was coming up to help with everything. This is my moms sister-in-law, who was married to my moms brother prior to him passing away; also as a victim to lung cancer.

We got settled in quite nicely and I was able to get my mom to actually eat some foods for the first time in over a month. I made her a vanilla milk shake and she drank about 2/3 of it! I was so proud of myself! We also gave her Coca-Cola, which she kept saying how good it tasted. I think the bubbles and coldness really raised her spirits. I can still picture and fell the warmth I had in seeing her be so happy over a simple thing! What a treat for me to finally be able to do for my mom what she had done for me over the years!

Of course, her eating was both a great thing for me to boost my spirits, but it was also one of the sings from the book the Hospice nurse had given to us that said that this was another sign of her immanent death approaching. I still kept my head held high, though, and continued on in my never ending task of what felt like taking over for my mom and holding the family together.


Reminder for next entry: Calls to hospital, dad, debi, mom demented, hospital discharge, hospice, etc...